Lloyd Goldstein » 2009» July

July 22, 2009

How Long Will This Last?

Filed under: Music for Healing — admin @ 9:13 pm

What a smile! Clear and bright and face-filling, face lighting, room lighting! Every time I visit, she is quiet at first, maybe a bit shy, but definitely preoccupied with concerns, and impatience with the length of her perinatal hospital stay. It does not take long though for her to begin to spark and the kindling to smolder and light up, and then that smile is shining, filling the room with laughter and goodness. We have fun, laugh, talk a little between songs. She always wants to know,”What is that one called?” And then she tries to connect the title with what she just heard and felt. It is such a lovely way to spend twenty minutes or a half hour. I always wonder how long her lightness with last, until her worries appear again and her smile fades until the next time.

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What a Change

Filed under: Music for Healing — admin @ 9:05 pm

” I am waiting for them to process my discharge. Well, OK, if you want to play. Something upbeat, alright.” No smiles, middle aged man lying on his side, his daughter invisible behind the door. She is enthusiastic and encourages the visit. He is tolerant at best, bored and completely over his time here at the hospital. So over it, I am almost hesitant to play. But I do, and he is smiling, almost right away, a different person. Remembering it is possible to enjoy this moment. He encourages me to play some more and then some more. “Thank you very much for that. Thank you.”

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July 14, 2009

Two Together

Filed under: Music for Healing — admin @ 9:40 am

Two together, yet apart. Just a few dozen feet down the hall from one another, this married couple in the hospital. “They are coming to clean me up, but I can wait; I want to hear your music. You are very appreciated young man.” The first time I visited she was quiet but that smile, happy, serene, so beautiful. She is in her mid 80’s, her heart and spirit alive and free, but she is frail, and the doctor is concerned, that first visit. Her husband sits and jokes about how indestructible he is after all his bypasses etc. Her daughter is funny too. They love the music and add their own light hearted energy to the room. Both husband and wife seem elegant, with fine features and content.

I play until the doctor comes, with some conversation mixed in. The doctor does not ask me to leave, but seems to value the fact that I am there, trusts me to be present during his consultation. Afterwards I thank him, and he in turn thanks me and praises my work here. He was a musician through college, a trombonist.

Today I visit them both for the third time. The husband has been admitted twice and his lovely wife is still here three weeks since our first encounter. And she would rather listen to me play than have the nurse “clean her up”. “I don’t care about the stink, I’d rather hear you play.” Right after, I visit her husband down the hall. His daughter, (a different one) is with him from out of town. She is funny and sings along with a few hymns, beautifully and sweetly. He closes his eyes and smiles, enjoying our time together. Their goal is to get him strong enough to walk the few dozen feet down the hall to visit his wife, they hope tomorrow.

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No Words

Filed under: Music for Healing — admin @ 9:05 am

From: “bbutler102000@aol.com” <bbutler102000@aol.com>

To: MHTP@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 6:32:25 PM

Subject: [MHTP] a comotose patient

A Story for Marcia and Carol:

A Fragile Life

My regular station is Friday afternoons from Noon to 3 at the Hospice here. I had just finished my “shift” and was just finishing my last song when the Firemen noisely brought in a comotose patient on a stretcher and her social worker followed close behind. The social worker ordered me to follow them to the patients’ room to “help the transition go better.” I complied. I played several songs while they transferred her to the bed and they left the room. The social worker motioned for me to follow her into the hall.

The social worker said she was going out of town for the weekend and that I was now “it.” I told her I was a grief counselor, not the case worker, and that I left at 3. She said, “well you can’t now, you have to stay and be with her until the end. It will only be an hour or so.”

I explained I had a school age child getting off the bus in 20 minutes and I had to be there to meet her. The charge nurse came to mediate and confirmed my situation and that if anyone was in charge it would be her. I went back into the room to get my harp and said out loud, “I have to go home for a little while, but I will be back to play more music for you.”

When I got home I found my front door wide open, the dining room table had jewelry box drawers upside down, and the den double french doors swaying in the wind pulled off their frames. I ran to my harp room, my other harps were safe. Then I ran out the back door to my neighbors to call police and then wait for my daughters. The next four hours were consumed with police, house searches, drama, and my guys having to board up doors until the next day. After dinner my husband had both girls under his wing and he asked why I was acting so agi tated since the house was barricaded. I told him I wasn’t frustrated about the robbery and our wedding rings being stolen so much as I felt I was breaking a promise to my comotose patient. He said, “She doesn’t know you aren’t there, but if it will make YOU feel better, go.”

I got to the hospice at 9PM. The charge nurse smiled and said, “She hasn’t died yet. She’s waited ALL this time just for you. She should have been gone hours ago.” This woman was ancient, only 80 pounds and had already outlived family and two of her lawyers!

I went into the dimly lit room, sat next to her bed and bedside table. I whispered, “Lizel, I am back. I will play some music for you and you can relax and breathe easy now.” I played for ten minutes and there was no change. Then I noticed the bedside light was burning hot on my right arm but I didn’t want to shift away from her. As I brought my gaze back to her, she had rolled over on her side in fetal position facing me, not laying out straight. I continued to play every song I knew, some improv. At ten till ten she straightened out on her back and let out a big sigh. Intuitively I began to play ‘Till we meet again.’ She sighed again and there was a smile on her skeletal face, showing huge teeth! Then her mouth closed, her face muscles relaxed and tears were coming down the sides of her eyes. (I’ve learned in my hypnotherapy work, this is a natural relaxation state for tears to release, this was not tears of jo y or sorrow.

I matched my chords with her breath. I started watching the clock, the inhales were a minute apart. About ten o’clock the inhales were 2 minutes apart. I sycronized with her, and pulled long resonating chords (G) at each intake breath. Then at 12 minutes after ten I noticed it had been 3 minutes since the last one, I turned to look at her face and she was indeed gone. The room was now very cool, the lamp didn’t seem hot at all, my arm was very cool as was I, there seemed to be a light breeze like the air conditioner but this was winter. I continued to play for another 20 minutes. Used Healers’ of the Heart(tm) naturally .. most often..thanks Cyndi.

When I walked out to the hall with my harp and case the two nurses at the charge station were crying. They said, “thank you for playing for her. We don’t get time off to go to patients’ funeral and there won’t be one for her since she leaves no one behind. So you actually played her funeral service here for her. We loved her so much and you gave her that gift.”

The charge nurse came down the hall with her arms wide open. She took me in a hug and said, “Thank you for coming back. She waited for you. You did the right thing all along. God bless you for keeping your promise, for her and for us.”

If ever that was pay back, that far exceeds any hard cash… this was heart cashing in.

{Copyright Betty Butler, MA, NCC, CMP, CHt Healers’ of the Heart(tm) Outreach Grief Counselor, Hypnotherapist, EPEC trainer (Educating Physicians On End Of Life Care) 2006}

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July 2, 2009

Bluebird

Filed under: Music for Healing — admin @ 10:26 pm

Her name is Bluebird. She speaks very softly, it takes some effort. First visit in the ICU flanked by daughter and grand daughter, me standing just outside the door as usual. Piece by piece I make my way to the right pieces. She is a native american and is a self taught native flute player. She loves my “Owl’s Wing” and ” Breathing Song”. She closes her eyes. She goes there. The grand daughter sits nearby and with mouth slightly open and face gently smiling, seems mesmerized.

Tonight we visit again and we talk about spirit and being ready. We speak of opportunity and direction, about Grandfather and going home. Her mate is with her and he fiddles with the iPod speaker so that we can listen to the first track of her original CD recording. It is pure and beautiful and I close my eyes and go there. She tells me that I have inspired her. I tell her the feeling is mutual. She does not know how much time she has left. None of us do.

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